The inner critic + integrating your wise woman within
Loving our conditioned self is the antidote to self-doubt
Hello dear one ~
In case you missed it, I recently shared a guided meditation to connect with the voice of your Wise Woman Within. This time of year is opportune for cultivating wisdom and aligning with our deep knowing. (Which is why I’m offering the group program Reflect + Intend - there are a few spots left, join us!)
The Wise Woman Within guided meditation provides a visceral experience of the intelligent and gentle voice that lives within everywoman. You can think of the voice of your wise woman within as your higher-self, spirit, or intuition.
We all have an inner critic
So often this wise inner voice is buried beneath a cacophony of our conditioned selves.
There are many labels for the conditioned self. Maybe you know it as the Inner Critic or Perfectionist. I’ve shared before about how I personally experience my self-doubt in this poem.
All women struggle with self-doubt in some way or another.
For many women, this voice has a lot to say about their physical appearance, body image, or aging.
For some of us, this voice casts opinions about professional capabilities.
For others, it calls into question their competence as mothers, partners, and lovers.
And for many women, this voice of self-doubt sinks our creative dreams - it tells us we just can't dance or write or make music or paint. That there isn’t enough “time” or that our creative impulses are not original or worthy of being fed.
The cost of self-doubt is excruciating. For me, it is physically painful. I feel it as a knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach; a flurry in my chest; a shortness of breath; a desire to numb.
But the physical and emotional pain we may experience is not even the worst of it - The biggest cost is what the world misses out on.
Think about all the businesses not started, opinions not shared, art not made, gifts not shared because of internal deprecation.
What would the world look like if women could trade their self-doubt for radical self-belief?
I know it’s not so simple.
To tell you that I’ve “healed” beyond experiencing self-doubt is a lie, a kind of lie that hurts not just me, but you too.
I think one of the reasons so many women suffer silently from self-doubt is because no one talks about it. Rare are the models acknowledging the cultural conditioning to question ourselves. We don’t name the generational trauma of womanhood; the cellular memory of an invisible hand of patriarchy choking the throats of our ancestors.
“The challenge for the heroine is not one of conquest but one of accepting her nameless, unloved parts that have become tyrannical because she has left them unchecked.”
-Maureen Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey
Meeting self-doubt with self-love
This year has been full of growth and expansion for me. When I did my Reflect + Intend personal process last year, the summarizing line was to “embrace my bigness.” And in many ways, I did. I can glimpse pride in what I’ve accomplished in a short year.
But I’ve also noticed that whenever I’m growing, my self-hate game comes on strong. As a last resort to keep me the same in my smallness, my ego yells “YOU SUCK!”
It gets so loud I wonder, is it true?
Left unchecked, my Doubt conspires with my inner Skeptic. They claim the real estate of my awareness. Soon enough, the whole gang is here! My Victim, Inner Critic, Inner Patriarch, Perfectionist, People Pleaser, Procrastinator Guilt Trip - all of my conditioned selves. They host a party where self-flagellation is served galore. Each takes their beat in slanderous self-talk forming my negative, albeit comfortably familiar, complex. The false identity is complete and I mobilize destructive habits, attempting to divert marches into the great unknown.
And that’s when I know, I am right on track. They get loud when I am evolving. They pipe up when their power is threatened.
Over time, I’ve learned to beckon my wise woman within and remember her toolbox. I drop into the intelligence of my womb. I slow down to earth pace. I breathe deeper and rest my closed eyes on my inner eye, my third eye. I seek the kind of silence that feels like a prayer without words. I watch the sunset and sunrise. I ride the inner rhythms of my menstrual cycle, bringing a deeper awareness to my constant change. I embrace the miracle of my body. I sing. I dance. I cry. I make music and play with my inner child. I open my heart and create space for the conditioned selves to be my guest.
Be my guest, be my guest!
I invite them to take a load off and sit on the couch in the back of my mind. Feet propped up, they unhook their grip on the steering wheel of my awareness. Soon they snoozing at rest in the temple of my wise woman within.
I’ve learned that these conditioned selves operate in some misguided attempt to save me from the worst possibilities. They are just trying to do their job: protect my tender core. Because what’s more vulnerable than stepping out into uncertainty? Being seen terrifies them and turns them into brutes. So I sing some more and dance some more. My muse is courted with a concoction of silence, solitude, and stillness. I write and I listen. And slowly, bit by bit, theses fragmented selves become bewitched by the songs of my muse. The gang behind my negative complex dismantles and melts into heavy drops of liquid gold to nourish the fertile darkness of what is next.
From here, I emerge.
The wise woman within is the antidote to the inner critic
Even when my self-hate game comes on with a roaring thunder, I’m over punishing myself for it. I’m refusing to be mad at myself for being mad at myself. This spiral stops with what? Loving my demons. But sometimes, it doesn’t feel so easy to do this. We need our wise woman within to step in. She is where we source self-love. She teaches us how to be compassionate towards our inner violence. Underneath these hurtful mind loops is a wound that needs TLC, not shame and contempt.
Our pain needs hugs, not banishment.
My wise woman within has an incredible capacity to love my inner critic like a misunderstood friend, rather than foe. Her warmth relaxes my debilitating doubt into curiosity and possibility.
Rather than trying to eject this tyrannical self-saboteur, I’ve learned to rest in the knowing of my wise woman within.
Integrating your wise woman within
If you haven’t experienced the meditation, this is your invitation.
5 Ways to Grow into your Wise Woman Within
1. Sometime today, ask yourself, “What would my wise woman within do in this situation? What would she say?” Check in with her and see what the answer is. Do or say that.
2. Make some art about your wise woman within, or her home. A collage, a drawing, a painting, or some photographs that evoke her—any medium you choose.
3. Choose a day this week to dress like your wise woman within. Wear what she would wear. See how it impacts your day and how it alters the way you see yourself.
4. When you are sitting down to write an e-mail, ask yourself, “What would she say in this e-mail?” Write that message!
5. Identify a difficult situation or dilemma in your life and check in internally: How would your wise woman within see it? See how that shifts your perspective. If it helps, imagine walking over to her and standing side by side with her—seeing things from her vantage point, literally. How does the situation look from her point of view?
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Thanks for reading. Please support my work and share this post with the wonderful women in your life.
With so much love,
Christina
Reflect + Intend is an 8 week coaching program for people looking for growth in any area of their life: health, relationships, career, finances, spiritual development. Through group and individual coaching, you will deepen your intuition, build a vision and strategy for the year ahead, all while nourishing your body, mind, and soul with support and accountability from me and heart-centered women around the world.
Calm your mind, deepen your breath, and open your heart in this live virtual 30 minute guided meditation class.
I offer a bespoke high-touch 1:1 coaching containers for ambitious, heart-led women to translate their innate feminine power into actionable results.
Women I have worked with have aligned with their purpose, up-leveled their businesses, gotten promotions and raises, reclaimed their inner artist, deepened their spirituality, healed from burnout, attracted an ideal partner, prepared for motherhood, cultivated fierce self-love and so much more.
My clients include founders, business professionals, and creatives, who believe in a world where all women are empowered and honored.
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What clients are saying:
My container with Christina opened up a new dimension of understanding every day, week and month I live as a woman. Our sessions were both mirrors and accelerators.
During my 6 months with Christina, I increased my income by 45%, I formed an LLC, moved into a new, spacious apartment, sold my car, came to peace with a personal health issue, found a new sense of style and confidence, and met a man I really enjoy being around after almost 4 years of shallow off and on dating. Most significantly for me, I became more adept at conflict, decision making, and practicing emotional containment and expression. I've actually found myself in more conflict, simply because I'm not ignoring boundaries, desires, and self-respect.
Christina's expansive knowledge of the female circuitry and cycle, combined with a strong spiritual and ritualistic practice, and her own embodied knowing is a powerful presence to be around. Plus, she's got a background in business that adds the technical and strategic punch.
I expanded intellectually, physically, and emotionally, and was held in a space where I was not only respected for my feelings and thoughts but also honored for being a woman of complexity.
- Emily Marquis, NYC