The Antidote is a newsletter and meditation community featuring essential healing modalities for the modern woman. Our mission is to inspire women to realize their fullest potential through educational content, guided meditation, and self-reflection tools.
Clear Boundaries: An Ode to Self
When was the last time you said “yes” when you wanted to say “no”?
Many of us grow up learning to please others, to give up our personal space to ensure others are OK before we take care of ourselves. We violate our personal space and drop our boundaries in order to avoid offending others. Maybe we walk on eggshells attempting to keep the peace, not realizing we are leaking our power. We end up sacrificing ourselves for some story of what we think we should be; the “good friend”, “perfect parent”, “obedient daughter.”
Restoring boundaries is a critical part of any healing or recovery process. Time and time again, I’m reminded that vigilant awareness of my personal boundaries is the foundation to being the sovereign, empowered woman I am meant to be.
What is a boundary?
Your boundary is your container. When you are too contained, or not contained enough, your relationships suffer.
While your physical boundaries are your needs and rights to your physical space and safety, emotional boundaries are your rights to your thoughts, feelings, and related actions.
An overly protective emotional boundary is like being a turtle stuck in a shell. No one can get in and you can't get out. Intimate relationships with others are compromised.
The other extreme is a lack of any boundaries. You cannot experience yourself as separate from others. Your container is faulty; you spill out like an egg when the shell is broken. You begin to define yourself according to other’s definitions and behave the way you think others want you to.
A healthy boundary is like the permeable membrane of a cell. It controls what goes in and out. It honors you.
Boundaries and the Empowered Self
Although the term “boundary” implies an external reference point, clear boundaries are an inside job. Your ability to create and maintain healthy boundaries begins with your self-esteem. It’s a reinforcing dynamic. When you create clear and healthy boundaries, your self-esteem increases. As your self-esteem increases, so does the health of your boundaries.
Self-esteem is an understanding and embracement of your personal power.
We too often forget the agency we have in life. But the truth is, YOU hold infinite power.
How you respond to life creates your reality. Your thoughts create your belief systems, your belief systems create your actions, your actions create your life. We embrace our personal power by setting boundaries with others and ourselves. When we don’t, we become victims of circumstance, believing that life is happening to us not for us.
When we take personal responsibility for what we know we need and want, our boundaries fortify our self-worth. The way we love ourselves (our internal dialogue, our habits, our actions) teaches others how to love us.
Boundaries ask us to stand in our power, not as an act of rebellion, but as an act of reverence for the self. Boundaries are incredible teachers because they keep you safe, loved, protected, and nourished in your power.
How to start? Get clear on your “yes” and your “no”
Having healthy boundaries is being connected to your worth and authentically communicating with those around you. It’s a skill that can be learned, practiced and refined over time.
To set a boundary, we must first regain our sense of self. Below are some journal prompts for self-discovery:
What do boundaries feel like to you?
How do you take care of yourself?
Do you put others' needs and desires before your own?
What are you allowing in your space that doesn’t feel good?
When you think of the word “power” -- what do you think of?
What are the practices in your life that most empower you? (A spiritual practice, exercise, self care, sister time, meditation?)
How would owning your worth and creating clear boundaries impact your career, internal self-talk, and relationships?
Creating healthy boundaries does not happen overnight. It takes time, patience, and commitment to your awareness. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. Taking the time and space for this inner work is an act of self-love that reinforces a deep sense of integrity.
With so much love,
Christina
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