How to Stop Should-ing Yourself

Dislodging the inner dictator of your solar plexus

Let’s talk about shoulds.

The start of the year is their Super Bowl.
I should finally get in shape.
I should stop doom-scrolling at midnight.
I should have my life figured out by now.

Sound familiar? “Shoulds” are like uninvited houseguests—always showing up, overstaying their welcome, and leaving you with nothing but guilt and impossible expectations. These sneaky little dictators don’t just mess with your head; they camp out in your solar plexus, draining your energy and willpower.

As a coach, I’ve made it my mission to help women call out their “shoulds,” unmask them, and kick them to the curb. Because here’s the truth: “Should” is a terrible life coach.

Art by Tyler Spangler

Why “Shoulds” Suck

Every time you say, “I should,” you’re handing the reins of your life to some imagined authority. A boss, society, your judgy inner critic—they’re all lining up to tell you what you should do. And let’s be real, how often do these “shoulds” lead to inspired action and fulfillment?

Maybe once in a blue moon, you’ll clean your inbox or make that quinoa salad. But more often, “shoulds” just pile up, leaving you overwhelmed and stuck, staring at a to-do list that feels less like a guide and more like a guilt trip.

The real kicker? “Shoulds” don’t even come from you. They’re fueled by outside expectations, fears, and outdated beliefs you’ve absorbed over the years. And they have this nasty habit of contradicting each other:
I should network more.
I should protect my energy.
I should relax more.
I should hustle harder.

It’s a never-ending tug-of-war. No wonder you’re exhausted!

The Energy Drain of “Shoulds”

Here’s the thing: “Shoulds” don’t just mess with your schedule; they zap your energy. Picture them as little knots of stuck energy in your solar plexus, tying up your power and will. When you let “shoulds” run the show, you lose touch with what you actually want, trading authenticity for an endless loop of obligation and burnout.

The “Should” Detox

So, how do you break free? The next time a “should” pops up, try this:

1. Pause.

2. Ask yourself: Where did this come from? Is it your voice, or someone else’s?

3. Decide: Does this match your values? Is this even realistic right now?

If the answer is no, it’s time for a detox. Write down or say out loud a firm “no” to that “should.” For example:
“No, I’m not signing up for another committee just because I feel obligated. My energy is better spent on projects I actually care about.”

For the “shoulds” that do align with your values, flip them into empowering commitments:

• “I should work out more” becomes “I will make time for workouts that make me feel strong and energized.”

• “I should journal more” becomes “I will spend my mornings journaling because it helps me think clearly.”

Notice the difference? “I will” is a declaration. It’s a choice. It’s you, taking your power back.

A Big Truth About “Shoulds”

Here’s something I’ve learned again and again in my coaching practice:

Most women let their lives be run by “shoulds” because they haven’t taken the time or space to uncover their core values.

When you don’t know what truly matters to you, it’s far too easy to default to what matters to everyone else. That’s when the “shoulds” creep in:

• Checking boxes that don’t light you up.

• Saying yes to things you don’t really care about.

• Losing yourself in a whirlwind of obligations and expectations.

Without clarity on your core values, life starts to feel like a never-ending to-do list—and you’re at the bottom of it.

Image by Third Eye Kingdom

A New Year Without the “Shoulds”

Here’s the thing: starting the year doesn’t have to feel like dragging around a list of obligations and guilt. You deserve a fresh start that’s guided by what actually matters to you—not what society, your inner critic, or anyone else thinks you should do. That’s the magic of setting intentions instead of chasing resolutions.

That’s why I created Reflect & Intend. This program is more than a resolution reset—it’s the antidote to the “shoulds” that have been running your life. Together, we’ll clear out the noise, reconnect with your core values, and craft a vision for the year ahead that feels free, intentional, and 100% aligned with you.

And here’s the best part: you’ll get 1:1 support from me at a fraction of my regular coaching rates. This is your chance to work directly with me to clarify your priorities, set meaningful intentions, and finally step into a life that feels like it’s truly yours.

This year, don’t let “should” write your story. Take the time to reflect on what matters, set intentions that resonate with your soul, and start living with purpose.

With love & winter blessings,

Christina

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